Saturday, January 26, 2013

Men Will Be Boys


It is almost funny and after a point irritating to see the way men behave around good looking women. To define good looking, I would say, all women: who have a mind of their own are beautiful.
Here, let us not count young boys. Boys, who are yet to experience life and mature in age or mind, are two blogs on their own.
This is about men, who are working, well settled and doing well in life, who have a beautiful wife, daughter or niece adoring them. These men, most of them are taking top business decisions and molding our socio economic dynamics.
Yet, these men when they come across a pretty face on social network sites behave unlike their age and status. They do not hesitate to send across personal messages or leave comments full of unwanted compliments to a woman, they do not know. At times, they stretch it to a point of harassment. They forget, there is a line between a healthy and a sick compliment. And the 'line' is quite thick, actually.
‘You are looking good’ is allowed.
‘You are looking so good that I just want to keep staring at you. Believe me’ is not allowed.
‘Red suits you’ is allowed.
‘Looking Hot, wear a nose pin and you could kill people with your looks’ is not allowed.
It is amazing that usually they do this to women they have never met. It does not enter their thick head that these women could be someone’s mother, sister and wife.
What is this compulsion to tell a woman she is good looking? Whose vanity is on display here? Believe me, most of the time a woman knows, how she looks.
She knows it because her parents told her as she grew up. Her friends told her when she was in school. Her boy friend told her, if she had one. Her husband tells her. Her children tell her every day. And, she has a mirror at home.
The point is, do not compliment a strange woman in a way that you do not want your girl friends, wives or sisters to be complimented. No matter, how modern or outgoing the woman in question may seem to you, if she is not a close friend, she is most definitely not appreciating your compliments. Take that!

84 comments:

  1. Your title is very apt ,& crisp too! What to say more! :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Gayatri, this was on my mind for sometime now,

      Good to see you here :D

      Delete
  2. completely agree! Unsolicited remarks or praise becomes so irritating at times and men just don't seem to understand and demean themselves.

    Good you have chosen to write about it.

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  3. Excellent points and so very valid. They think we suck the crap up -- when in reality it sometimes, no, mostly all the time, it hurts because we know there is no respect in it. Just some disgusting animal..... Sorry, I've experienced a life times worth of harrassment, and well you hit a nerve. Great post, just wish a few of them would read it!

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    Replies
    1. Dear Yolanda,

      Thank you for adding to my post. I can understand your pain, please take care and always speak up. Hugs :D

      Delete
  4. social networks sometimes enables nasty-works too...
    Good Punch :))

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    Replies
    1. Hi,

      Satish..! Good to see you. I was worried men would avoid my post. Now I am relived, for this is not about all men, it is about some men who just do not get it. Thanks~

      Delete
    2. Ghazala, we all men know, Men is just a part torn away from from a WoMen. So it is admirable sometimes a women advises men on what to do and not.

      Delete
  5. Very true, Ghazala. Men should know where to draw the line with women who aren't close to them.

    These boundaries should be respected...

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    Replies
    1. Hi Vishal,

      Long time..! Good to see you and thank you so much for your kind words :D

      Delete
  6. true ! and the way they act it seems as if they are doing a big favour on us ! great post ...just wish men who are yet to grow up will take it as a lesson !

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    Replies
    1. Dear TTT,

      Yes, this is written in that spirit, to let know the opposite sex what is not accepted. Thanks Gurl!!

      Delete
  7. As they say, 'ghar me maa bahan nahin hai kya?'

    Nice one but it will come unstuck off the target audience.

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  8. You've made some strong statements with this posting of yours. Much of the social networks, more than connecting people with one another, somewhere deep inside tend to cater to people's voyeuristic streaks and thus they are popular. But I am still contemplating on some of the points that you made like "You are looking good is allowed"... it clearly means that girls love to be complimented in a particular way that they want to be. Basically you are trying to define some fine etiquette to complement strangers and girls whom we meet online. Well, I am lost in this thought of your preachy post... not sure which side to take.

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    1. Hi barry,

      Thank you for giving my post a read and a thought. 'You are looking good' is a very common line of compliment that both men and women do not mind. When one posts a picture on say fb, it is natural to appreciate with positive comments, that is all. Beyond that should depend on your equation with the person. You are free to go with whichever side you like, ultimately it is your choice.

      Delete
  9. Good point here. I agree to all that is said by you. But it doesn't seems just for men. Even many women do the same on social networks or in chats. The issue is that why do they do this? Insecurity, frustration or unsatisfactory current relationships?
    Well said though. The need of the hour is to draw the line :)

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    Replies
    1. hi Saurabh,

      Thank you for bringing in women who do this. I am sure they do cross the line too. It is just that, I wonder how many women would inbox twenty messages full of out of place compliments without any response to a total stranger~

      Delete
  10. What is it that they say, 'Ghar me maan bahan nahin hain kya?'

    Nice reminder but I doubt whether the target audience is going to be impressed.

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    Replies
    1. Hi umashankar,

      Seriously, this was on my mind for sometime now and I needed to express that if your compliments are not making someone happy what is the point!
      We as Indians have great regards for family values but on social network sites we forget it all. That is sad. Thank you for warning me :D

      Delete
  11. Just think of this: isn't it safe to say this to unknown people? You can get away with anything!

    On a serious note, I really don't know where this attitude comes from. I belong to your "excluded" category, (I guess, being only 20); however, I choose my words ever so carefully with girls/women so that I don't say such things even accidentally.

    Having said that, this is a part of the crudeness and the sexual lack of control that seems to form the undercurrent of today's Indian society. Coupled with sexism, this is one of the leading reasons we can never be a developed nation, in the near future.

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    Replies
    1. hi Kirisute,

      I get your point. But speaking anything to strangers, only to get away with it makes it so much more deep than I thought. This is scary.
      And I totally agree with your view that there is so much more we need to process within ourselves as a society before we face the world at any level. Thanks for adding value to my space ~

      Delete
  12. I couldn't agree more, Ghazala!
    ...if only those nitwits read it!!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Amit,

      You took the blog in right spirit. Thank you so much for that :D

      Delete
  13. Ah, today you seem to be angry!Chill....but when you feel disrespected, you SHOULD let him know... he’s gotta stop. Simple as that.

    Men looking at women is not the same thing as men cheating...So let’s relax. Eye candy is a pleasure, just as works of art and beautiful natural scenes are a pleasure to watch. Feel beautiful and smart...which in any case---you are, sweetheart♥
    Panchali di

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    Replies
    1. Dear Di,

      It is not about what I should do to stop him, it is about what he should know at his age and stage!!
      If one says stop, he would stop but never learn for he does not realise he is doing wrong and do the same to someone else. So the point is in in-building some common sense or boundaries. This is no way a personal blog, it is so much more.
      Thank you, I was waiting for your feedback :D

      Delete
  14. :) . I love to compliment anything that interests me in a person. But that's with people I know and those who would understand it in the true sense.
    But this scenario you mentioned here is a little strange. Why would some one want to do that in their real senses?
    Like your closing advise. :)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Leo,

      I am glad you are not one of them. I have so many good virtual male blogger friends, who are not like them either.
      This one is for those few who live in a dark world.
      Thanks man :D

      Delete
  15. Exacto! Those men are just are not worth giving attention to. Nicely written, Ghazala. :)

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    1. Dear Vaishali,

      I agree but that is why they never realise. They need to be told. Thanks :D

      Delete
    2. Hey Ghazala,

      I was curious. Have you changed your blog or have you taken a break from this one for a short time? There has been no updates after this post. I hope things are fine at your end!

      Delete
    3. Dear Vaishali,

      So nice of you to be concerned. I mean only true friends care. All good at my end except that I have been caught up in a new project. Hope to come back soon to all of you here!!

      Thanks and keep in touch :D

      Delete
  16. Loved the sarcasm in your writing! :) Haha thumbs up for the title!

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    1. Dear Guspazha,

      Thanks and good day! I can be nice too :D

      Delete
  17. Lovely points Ghazala! Couldn't agree more! Sometimes, even if they compliment normally or in an acceptable way, we can't judge what intentions he has behind that compliment!

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    1. You're right Valli,

      but at least decency is maintained. Thanks :D

      Delete
  18. well put Ghazala....But sometimes people do compliment with no actual bad intention but they do not have the right knowledge about words...I mean, sometimes it happens with English....In their own native language they may know the limits but may not have an idea about how far is allowed in etiquette? Just a thought here! I do agree there are men who do cross their limits as you pointed out!

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    1. Dear Jaish,

      This is nothing to do with language barrier that some face. This is about people who are over confident in their language and style.

      Thank you sweet :D

      Delete
  19. I never understood why men do that to women who are strangers to them.

    Well said!

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  20. Hi Ghazala,

    You've made a valid point here. There's no such thing as decent clothing in case of women and especially in the case of young women falling in the age group less than 30.

    Men are men and they feel they have the right to compliment or advise on choice of accessories/apparel to just about any woman on the street. Sometimes, the behavior of some men simply defies logic and common sense.

    I'm still waiting for the day when men would become sensible and not participate in such foolish activities.

    Regards

    Jay
    My Newest Blog Post | My Entry to Indiblogger Get Published

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    Replies
    1. Hi jay,

      Are not we being judgmental by saying no decent clothing in case of young women below 30 years. Or is it that you are associated with the wrong crowd?
      I agree, men like to compliment women than why discriminate and give such compliments to strange women or women they hardly know? And why not appreciate when other men do the same to their family women.
      Thank you, glad you agree it is foolish activity :D

      Delete
    2. Well, yes, I've seen quite a lot of male counterparts doing all sorts of activities to woo a female, sometimes even a stranger.
      I find it quite amusing that an individual has to go to such depths to actually win some interest.
      Although, there's a share of people with good intentions too out there. :) :) :)

      Regards

      Jay
      My Newest Blog Post | My Entry to Indiblogger Get Published

      Delete
    3. Yes, of course Jay, there are a whole lot more of them out there. Thank God for that :D

      Delete
  21. Ghazala you have raised a very important issue------i wonder if these juvenile men are as quick to compliment the women at their homes.

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    1. Dear Indu,

      I am sure they do not do that. If they did they probably would not have time for more compliments to throw around. Thanks :D

      Delete
  22. You are right Ghazala, some men will be boys forever. No wonder, I have seen so many of them around me.May be its the time the girls and women they objectify return their advancements with stern and embarrassing replies, rather than just ignoring their comments. As they say, Give it back to them!

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    1. You have a point, Arnab and I am glad you voiced it. Thanks~

      Delete
  23. Bang on! Give respect and get respect.Just how hard can this be to understand?

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  24. There are many sick out there. Yes, I call them sick. Also, on a personal level, I don't like too much in a compliment. But such men should be blocked from social networks or personal life.

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    1. Saru,

      You block them and they go to the next woman. They never learn, hence this post.

      Thanks, I enjoyed reading your pov.

      Delete
  25. I do choose my words carefully when commenting on a woman's blog or on Facebook, hopefully I have never crossed that line. I love this post because it is direct and to the point. :)

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    1. Akshay,

      I am sure, you have never crossed the line with strangers. Thanks, I really appreciate :D

      Delete
  26. flipside of social networking. and if yes is a yes then No is also a NO. But as you said, sometimes it is exasperating to tell people esp when they are expected to KNOW!For this some men will sure remain boys!

    Novel...

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    1. Dear Akila,

      Thanks for reading this and agreeing with me. You know, it always feel good to see old friends :d

      Delete
  27. Hi Ghazala,

    This was a great post. I think a key lesson guys can take from your post is the point you made about considering whether the compliment they are about to give, is what they would want their sister, girlfriend or wife to hear from some other guy.

    Thank you.

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    1. Thank Hiten, really appreciate your words :D

      Delete
  28. Ah! Dear G,

    I hope you used to read my many compliments well. :-)

    By the way, you are right...I usually compliment only women I have never met. :-P

    Ok, let me not try to tickle your funny-bone any further...I do get your message. Some guys go overboard. But some gals are oversensitive, won't you agree?

    Cheerio,
    Long Lost A :-)))

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    Replies
    1. Hi Newbie,

      Hey, I do not remember you ever complimenting me. Didja? :p

      Some girls are over sensitive? Nah..!! I do not think so. Great to have you here and hope to keep in touch ~

      Delete
  29. Ghazala. they do this to women whom they havent met with ease, coz they know they can! virtual world makes things so easy doesnt it! I dare someone come tell that to be I will kick him bween his legs :)

    lol

    btw u are beautiful!hugs!

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    Replies
    1. Poonam dear,

      I am sure, after reading this noone will dare cross your way. LOL

      Thank you for making me laugh ~

      Delete
  30. very powerful statement..many times i feel very close to a person and do not have a clue as to how the other person is seeing it.when I feel close I may make an error in my judgement of the other person.in my world view sensuality may be allowed in conversation or interaction but not sexuality..sensuality is being human.. but sexuality is being instrumental and purposive. Expression of sensuality is culture bound and there could be disconnects appearing on this..like in italy when my cousin was travelling a manm, came just stood in front of her shook her hands and said that she was looking lovely..if I tell a girl "I love you ;she could interpret any way.."our culture and language does not allow varied expressions of intimacy which are asexual..

    excuse those who express their feeling of intimacy inappropriately as they do not get bound by protocols put on them by the society... if you experience integrity in them..words and forms should not dictate responses.

    yes I am so happy to see your blogspace. you are indeed a rare person with rare abilities of building communities of well being..when I think of you I feel sooooo good.

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    Replies
    1. Sampathji,

      I hope you realise, I am not complaining about people who have come up to me in mall out of nowhere and have complimented me. And this is also not about having good feeling about someone specific. This is about people who are in a habit of sending intimate messages and compliments to total strangers without getting any response. Why they do it? Your guess is as good as mine.
      Believe me, I too have such fond memories of Bina and you. Please take care and always remain the same. Thank you for being here :D

      Delete
  31. You have just won Liebster award. To know more go to the following page http://day-to-daystories.blogspot.in/2013/02/liebster-award.html :)

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    1. Thank you sweetie, I will love you for this :D

      Delete
  32. Funny yet thought provoking...I love the line

    "it is actually a thick line"

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    1. Hi Desi,

      Thank you, your presence means so much more :D

      Delete
  33. An apt title Ghazala and your obervation is bang on:)

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    1. Good to see yo always Rahul, have been irregular here. Will try to come back soon. Thank you and God bless :D

      Delete
  34. My first time on this blog :)!
    Very well written post.It's true,too much of the good stuff is simply too much and nothing more!The song If I were a boy by Beyonce just came across my mind :)!Some men just have these insane need of keeping their ego up high and most of the time they like to do it by giving unwanted compliments.
    Greetings :)...

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    Replies
    1. Dear Jasmina,

      Great to meet you here. Would love to get to know you. Been a little busy with a new beauty Salon that I opened.
      Thank you dear :)

      Delete
  35. Well judged and very well written.
    There should always a boundary and evry1 shuld be aware of it.....

    I ll say ''Make it or Break it'', its always on you 2 decide.

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  36. Hello, Kishan,

    I am so glad that you agree :D
    Thanks Man.

    ReplyDelete