Sunday, September 23, 2012

Neighbor's Envy~

Fiction:

Since my best friend shifted to our building complex, I hated her. In school we were inseparable but now after twenty years, she seemed like another person altogether. To make matter worse, she looked ten years my junior. And a few times that our path crossed, in lift or at the car park, she seemed more polite and less friendly.

My jealousy doubled, when my husband informed me that the membership of the in-complex Gym had grown, all because of her. He looked animated.

‘She definitely needs to gym, she is fat’ I said as I gulped my green tea.
 ‘No, she is just well endowed. And at her height, a little meat is desirable’. My husband gave me a quick reason to kill him.
‘Oh…?’
‘Also, strange men come to her at odd hours. That makes her a popular topic’. He was definitely on a trip.
 ‘Did you have her followed?’ I was willing to faint on my chair to show him my shock reaction.
‘Ha! Ha! All the dirt is from the gym. Every little detail is lapped by everyone around. It is a circus out there’.
‘Really, you Jokers have nothing better to discuss’.
‘What could be better? They say at home, she walks around in her undergarments’. He did not know, when to stop.
‘Oh my God..!’
‘The bet is on, to find out her age’.
‘She is my age. She is my best friend from school’ I offered proudly.
‘Are you sure? I do not see you visiting her and she looks younger’. I finally had his undivided attention.   
Soon, I went over to her place.
‘Please come in. High time we old friends met’. She seemed genuinely happy to see me.
‘How are you? You live alone?’ I looked around still riding my high horse.
 ‘Well, my husband is in merchant navy. He is rarely home. I have twin daughters’.
‘That is nice. I have a son’.
‘One of my daughters is a thalassemia patient’. Her transformation in my eyes was instant.
‘I am so sorry to hear that’.
‘Do not worry, she is good’. I noticed, my friend had a fantastic body along with a gorgeous smile.
‘It is exhausting but I manage’. She said.
‘Good’
‘I joined the gym for I was getting tired often. Why do not you join too? You know, you are the only real friend I ever had’

Word count: 400 

86 comments:

  1. Superbly written....hatred is a feeling which is too difficult to tag as good or bad many times !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Me,

      For your first comment. I agree, hatred
      can be confusing :D

      Delete
  2. Funny how misunderstandings can quickly arise from gossip ~ Nice story ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Heaven,

      Yes, gossip can be harmful :D

      Delete
  3. Ah, this is a little sad but it seems she will have a change of heart after her earlier judgement. Very nice

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you heather. Yes she will have a change of heart for sure :D

      Delete
  4. Hi, Ghazalla,

    I really enjoyed the banter between the mc and her husband. Her anger was justified and well expressed.

    The ending was also interesting. The last line intrigued me. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Michael,

      Glad you enjoyed the banter. Husbands will be husbands.
      Thanks and good to see you here :D

      Delete
  5. Wonderful read..first thought its real until I again went up and saw the fiction thing written..its a real reason to hate the best of friends when husband starts praising the friend..hahahaha..nice one Ghazala..all the luck for the contest..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Ranita,

      This is fiction but I am sure real life must be like this:))
      Husbands can be ruthless. Thanks you so much.

      Delete
  6. Funny how presumptuous we can be. Lovely story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Going,

      Presumptions can be dangerous. Thanks :D

      Delete
  7. Like Michael, I loved the conversation between the husband and the narrator, especially: 'My husband gave me a quick reason to kill him.' It sounds like the mc could pick up this friendship again.
    Thanks for posting. I've explained on RFW site that AEST is Australian time which is nearly 24 hours ahead of the US, well it's ahead of nearly everywhere except NZ. As people sometimes remind me, well, it is Romantic FRIDAY Writers. I don't mind. Your link is up but not everyone will see it now I expect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Denise,

      Thank you for adding my story and also for informing me, how the time varies.
      I thought, I get till Sunday. I am new and still very confused:(

      Thank you for your feedback, i really appreciate :D

      Delete
  8. Mmm! Well written tale about the green-eyed monster and how it makes you view people with jaundiced eyes :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi Suresh,

      What a witty comment and what else i expect from you:)
      Thanks and good to see you here ~

      Delete
  9. Ghazala, so did you not join the gym to create another sensation:) Nice story and almost took it for real!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rahul,

      LOL, that will be another story.

      Thanks, that is why I clearly mentioned it to be a fiction :D

      Delete
  10. Jealousy such a powerful emotion, and gossip so damaging. Good beginning! At least she had the courage to visit her old friend and learn the truth. Loved the conversation between husband and wife, so real and funny. :)
    Well done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Yolanda,

      Yes, jealousy is powerful and men gossip too :D
      Thanks, glad that you liked my take ~

      Delete
  11. Very nicely written! Here's hoping you've hit the gym with her (my goal in life is to motivate people to be fit)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dear Sweta,

      I seriously need to hit the gym but I am postponing it forever.
      Thank you, will keep your feedback in mind :D

      Delete
  12. Hi Ghazala
    Loved the line about her husband gave her a reason to kill him. It sounded like the husband ran the gym, but maybe he is just a participant. Anyway, husbands often stumble over themselves without thinking. Good job demonstrating that aspect.
    Nancy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear N R William,

      Nope, the husband is just a member, who goes to the Gym
      to pass time and listen to the gossip. Exercising is in between.
      Thank you and my pleasure :D

      Delete
  13. Men sure know how to gossip too! Excellent dialogue and story flow.

    Thanks for participating with RFW Ghazala :)

    .........dhole

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Donna,

      Yes, you are right..! Men gossip a lot.
      i know it for a fact. Thank you for your support dear :D

      Delete
  14. Wow! what a great story teller you are, Ghazala!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amit,

      You humble me. Thanks *grinning cheek to cheek :D

      Delete
  15. Very well told story and makes simple fun.

    ReplyDelete
  16. So much told in so little words!!Bravo!
    You inspire me to no end, Ghazala :))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dear panchalidi,

      And you are my inspiration. Thank you
      from the bottom of my heart :D

      Delete
  17. It sounds real & made me feel that you want to discuss everything about her. How could she get so much attention of your hubby? ;) Just joking!

    nice! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Gayatri,

      Everyone takes first person narratives as real life. that
      is why I wrote fiction at the top :)

      Thank you, and well husbands will be husbands~

      Delete
  18. Hi Ghazala,

    A very different take on the prompt...reconnecting with old friends after long gaps is never as expected. Very well portrayed in your story. Enjoyed reading it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dear Nilajana,

      Good to see you here. I agree reconnecting does not always go as
      expected. I met this friend after a long time and just did not know
      what to talk...LOL

      Thanks :D

      Delete
  19. so convincingly written Ghazala----a lovely story which sounded so near reality----and as always you keep one engrossed

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Rajs,

      Thank you for enjoying this, I feel relieved :D

      Delete
  20. Naiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :) Loved reading it


    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
  21. Love the story, Ghazala. You have captured emotions such as anger, jealousy, empathy very well. Loved it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Akshay,

      How you doing? Good to see you.
      And your words, so happy to know
      you liked this.
      Was missing you here. Thanks :D

      Delete
    2. Sorry Ghazala, been busy with health check-ups and other things so missed your previous few posts. Will try to keep up from now on. :D

      Delete
    3. Please do not apologise. Please take good care and read at your leisure :D

      Delete
  22. That was a wonderfully crisp story with a strong moral. Sometimes all we need to do is open our eyes and we see a completely different world. Beautiful read, Ghazala... very well written :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Arti,


      What a pleasure to read your feedback. you got the story
      exactly as I meant it. Thanks :D

      Delete
  23. i just loved the conversation bet hubby and wife !!! loved reading it !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear TTT,

      I loved writing this too. Glad you enjoyed. Thanks :D

      Delete
  24. Dear Ghazala,
    I like the changes that occur in this story. First your main character is jealous of her old friend who seems to look younger and prettier than she does. Her husband makes unkind comments that fuel her envy and hate for her. And then she meets her old friend and sees the reality of this woman's hard life, and changes her mind: She likes and admires her friend.
    I really like this story because of the subtle shifts in emotion throughout. Your main character learns a lot in these 400 words.
    Well done.
    Best wishes,
    Anna
    RFW No. 45 - 'Oh how I hate my beautiful friend'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Anna,

      Agree 400 words are too less to depict so many emotions.
      I had to really make it brief. But I enjoyed editing this one.

      And yes, it is so easy to jump to wrong conclusions about others.
      Thanks and have a good day :D

      Delete
  25. Wow ! Very nicely written. I was waiting to see what would happen..and you gave it a real nice ending. Its true isn't it.. that we start hating or liking a person sometimes even before the first word is spoken !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello themoon,

      We are always ready to dismiss a good looking person. They makes us uncomfortable.
      I am glad you liked the ending. Thanks and hope to see you here more :D

      Delete
  26. Old friends, new prejudices. I follow the RFW posts-- but haven't participated yet--Denise does a great job of running it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Damayanti,

      I absolutely love your name..! Thank you
      for visiting this pages. Please do participate in RFE.
      I am new here and already meeting such talented people:D

      Delete
    2. I do not doubt the talent of others, only mine :)

      Delete
    3. LOL, you have great sense of humor. We will sure hit off :D

      Delete
  27. Seriously, this was brilliantly written. It has such a amazing flow of thoughts and words. And about the topic, I think friendship changes over time and as you wrote, there is always some sort of jealousy. But thank god, I have some wonderful friends and we are still in touch.

    Once again, very nicely written:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Saru,

      You are lucky to have good friends. So do I. But, there are so many, I miss and wonder where and how they are.

      Thanks for your presence :D

      Delete
    2. Thanks Saru dear for coming back :D

      Delete
  28. Replies
    1. Dear Manju,

      Sorry about the comment moderation. You got confused and left more than one comment.

      Believe me, love you for it. Thanks for the trouble :D

      Delete
  29. what a "paradigm shift" ! we often hate/misunderstand people for the wrong reasons, and when this paradigm shift happens, it leaves us with a "how could I" kind of feeling!! loved the way u brought in humour with the subtle message without being preachy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Lil princess,

      In life we judge quick especially someone we do not know. I am so glad you liked my take. thanks and hope to see you again and again here :D

      Delete
  30. awesomely written -loved the ending with a twist :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Vinisha,

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate your time :D

      Delete
  31. Hey Ghazala, love the story, beautifully written! Must tell, you have a unique style of writing. I heart it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Priti,

      Love you for this. Thanks and friends forever <3

      Delete
  32. i lovd d convo of the main charactr wid her hubby...lol...and yes also d crux of d story:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Alka,

      LOL, this husband is a meanie. Glad you had fun here. Thanks:D

      Delete
  33. You are right Ghazala, sometimes husbands don't know when to stop talking. :)
    But it is definitely true that first impressions are not always correct. I think life is a journey of growth and we all grow and change. Sometimes we discover that people who we thought were perfect for us are not really like that and sometimes it is the opposite. Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Swapna,

      You are so right about how people who seem perfect are not necessarily so. When we realise that what growth we reach.

      Thanks for your very mature comment:D

      Delete
  34. aww.. :( that was a pretty good one... its true sometimes our paradigm shifts 180deg after learning about the path people have taken!

    Do stop by my blog!! I'd love your visits & comments!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Kappu,

      Welcome to my space. Thank you for reading this. I value your feedback :D

      Delete
  35. good job with the fiction Ghazala, hatred is something no body wants to deal with, yet we all have some amount of it in us,dont we? However it does us no good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Poonam,

      Agree, it does no good to us. Thanks :)

      Delete