Fiction:
Word count: 400
Since my best friend shifted to our building complex, I hated her.
In school we were inseparable but now after twenty years, she seemed like
another person altogether. To make matter worse, she looked ten years my
junior. And a few times that our path crossed, in lift or at the car park, she seemed more polite and less friendly.
My jealousy doubled, when my husband informed me that the
membership of the in-complex Gym had grown, all because of her. He looked animated.
‘She definitely needs to gym,
she is fat’ I said as I gulped my green tea.
‘No, she is just well
endowed. And at her height, a little meat is desirable’. My husband gave me a
quick reason to kill him.
‘Oh…?’
‘Also, strange men come to her
at odd hours. That makes her a popular topic’. He was definitely on a trip.
‘Did you have her
followed?’ I was willing to faint on my chair to show him my shock reaction.
‘Ha! Ha! All the dirt is from
the gym. Every little detail is lapped by everyone around. It is a circus out
there’.
‘Really, you Jokers have
nothing better to discuss’.
‘What could be better? They say
at home, she walks around in her undergarments’. He did not know, when to stop.
‘Oh my God..!’
‘The bet is on, to find out her
age’.
‘She is my age. She is my best
friend from school’ I offered proudly.
‘Are you sure? I do not see you
visiting her and she looks younger’. I finally had his undivided attention.
Soon, I went over to her place.
‘Please come in. High time we
old friends met’. She seemed genuinely happy to see me.
‘How are you? You live alone?’
I looked around still riding my high horse.
‘Well, my husband is in
merchant navy. He is rarely home. I have twin daughters’.
‘That is nice. I have a son’.
‘One of my daughters is a
thalassemia patient’. Her transformation in my eyes was instant.
‘I am so sorry to hear that’.
‘Do not worry, she is good’. I noticed, my friend had a fantastic body along with a gorgeous smile.
‘It is exhausting but I manage’.
She said.
‘Good’
‘I joined the gym for I was
getting tired often. Why do not you join too? You know, you are the only real
friend I ever had’
Superbly written....hatred is a feeling which is too difficult to tag as good or bad many times !
ReplyDeleteThank you Me,
DeleteFor your first comment. I agree, hatred
can be confusing :D
Funny how misunderstandings can quickly arise from gossip ~ Nice story ~
ReplyDeleteThank you Heaven,
DeleteYes, gossip can be harmful :D
Ah, this is a little sad but it seems she will have a change of heart after her earlier judgement. Very nice
ReplyDeleteThank you heather. Yes she will have a change of heart for sure :D
DeleteHi, Ghazalla,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the banter between the mc and her husband. Her anger was justified and well expressed.
The ending was also interesting. The last line intrigued me. Well done.
Hi Michael,
DeleteGlad you enjoyed the banter. Husbands will be husbands.
Thanks and good to see you here :D
Wonderful read..first thought its real until I again went up and saw the fiction thing written..its a real reason to hate the best of friends when husband starts praising the friend..hahahaha..nice one Ghazala..all the luck for the contest..
ReplyDeleteDear Ranita,
DeleteThis is fiction but I am sure real life must be like this:))
Husbands can be ruthless. Thanks you so much.
Funny how presumptuous we can be. Lovely story.
ReplyDeleteDear Going,
DeletePresumptions can be dangerous. Thanks :D
Like Michael, I loved the conversation between the husband and the narrator, especially: 'My husband gave me a quick reason to kill him.' It sounds like the mc could pick up this friendship again.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting. I've explained on RFW site that AEST is Australian time which is nearly 24 hours ahead of the US, well it's ahead of nearly everywhere except NZ. As people sometimes remind me, well, it is Romantic FRIDAY Writers. I don't mind. Your link is up but not everyone will see it now I expect.
Dear Denise,
DeleteThank you for adding my story and also for informing me, how the time varies.
I thought, I get till Sunday. I am new and still very confused:(
Thank you for your feedback, i really appreciate :D
Mmm! Well written tale about the green-eyed monster and how it makes you view people with jaundiced eyes :)
ReplyDeletehi Suresh,
DeleteWhat a witty comment and what else i expect from you:)
Thanks and good to see you here ~
Ghazala, so did you not join the gym to create another sensation:) Nice story and almost took it for real!!
ReplyDeleteHi Rahul,
DeleteLOL, that will be another story.
Thanks, that is why I clearly mentioned it to be a fiction :D
Jealousy such a powerful emotion, and gossip so damaging. Good beginning! At least she had the courage to visit her old friend and learn the truth. Loved the conversation between husband and wife, so real and funny. :)
ReplyDeleteWell done!
Dear Yolanda,
DeleteYes, jealousy is powerful and men gossip too :D
Thanks, glad that you liked my take ~
Very nicely written! Here's hoping you've hit the gym with her (my goal in life is to motivate people to be fit)
ReplyDeletedear Sweta,
DeleteI seriously need to hit the gym but I am postponing it forever.
Thank you, will keep your feedback in mind :D
I loved the twist.
ReplyDeleteRajesh,
DeleteThanks, I appreciate :D
Hi Ghazala
ReplyDeleteLoved the line about her husband gave her a reason to kill him. It sounded like the husband ran the gym, but maybe he is just a participant. Anyway, husbands often stumble over themselves without thinking. Good job demonstrating that aspect.
Nancy
Dear N R William,
DeleteNope, the husband is just a member, who goes to the Gym
to pass time and listen to the gossip. Exercising is in between.
Thank you and my pleasure :D
Men sure know how to gossip too! Excellent dialogue and story flow.
ReplyDeleteThanks for participating with RFW Ghazala :)
.........dhole
Dear Donna,
DeleteYes, you are right..! Men gossip a lot.
i know it for a fact. Thank you for your support dear :D
Wow! what a great story teller you are, Ghazala!
ReplyDeleteAmit,
DeleteYou humble me. Thanks *grinning cheek to cheek :D
Very well told story and makes simple fun.
ReplyDeleteHi Suhas,
DeleteThanks :D
So much told in so little words!!Bravo!
ReplyDeleteYou inspire me to no end, Ghazala :))
dear panchalidi,
DeleteAnd you are my inspiration. Thank you
from the bottom of my heart :D
It sounds real & made me feel that you want to discuss everything about her. How could she get so much attention of your hubby? ;) Just joking!
ReplyDeletenice! ;)
Dear Gayatri,
DeleteEveryone takes first person narratives as real life. that
is why I wrote fiction at the top :)
Thank you, and well husbands will be husbands~
Hi Ghazala,
ReplyDeleteA very different take on the prompt...reconnecting with old friends after long gaps is never as expected. Very well portrayed in your story. Enjoyed reading it.
dear Nilajana,
DeleteGood to see you here. I agree reconnecting does not always go as
expected. I met this friend after a long time and just did not know
what to talk...LOL
Thanks :D
so convincingly written Ghazala----a lovely story which sounded so near reality----and as always you keep one engrossed
ReplyDeleteDear Rajs,
DeleteThank you for enjoying this, I feel relieved :D
Naiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :) Loved reading it
ReplyDeleteBikram's
Hi Bikramjit,
DeleteThanks for reading me :D
That was quite touching, actually.
ReplyDeleteHi Shovon,
DeleteThanks :)
Love the story, Ghazala. You have captured emotions such as anger, jealousy, empathy very well. Loved it. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Akshay,
DeleteHow you doing? Good to see you.
And your words, so happy to know
you liked this.
Was missing you here. Thanks :D
Sorry Ghazala, been busy with health check-ups and other things so missed your previous few posts. Will try to keep up from now on. :D
DeletePlease do not apologise. Please take good care and read at your leisure :D
DeleteThat was a wonderfully crisp story with a strong moral. Sometimes all we need to do is open our eyes and we see a completely different world. Beautiful read, Ghazala... very well written :)
ReplyDeleteDear Arti,
DeleteWhat a pleasure to read your feedback. you got the story
exactly as I meant it. Thanks :D
i just loved the conversation bet hubby and wife !!! loved reading it !
ReplyDeleteDear TTT,
DeleteI loved writing this too. Glad you enjoyed. Thanks :D
beautifully narrated
ReplyDeleteThanks you SM, I am delighted :D
DeleteThat was brilliant!
ReplyDeleteThanks Magic :D
DeleteDear Ghazala,
ReplyDeleteI like the changes that occur in this story. First your main character is jealous of her old friend who seems to look younger and prettier than she does. Her husband makes unkind comments that fuel her envy and hate for her. And then she meets her old friend and sees the reality of this woman's hard life, and changes her mind: She likes and admires her friend.
I really like this story because of the subtle shifts in emotion throughout. Your main character learns a lot in these 400 words.
Well done.
Best wishes,
Anna
RFW No. 45 - 'Oh how I hate my beautiful friend'
Dear Anna,
DeleteAgree 400 words are too less to depict so many emotions.
I had to really make it brief. But I enjoyed editing this one.
And yes, it is so easy to jump to wrong conclusions about others.
Thanks and have a good day :D
Wow ! Very nicely written. I was waiting to see what would happen..and you gave it a real nice ending. Its true isn't it.. that we start hating or liking a person sometimes even before the first word is spoken !
ReplyDeleteHello themoon,
DeleteWe are always ready to dismiss a good looking person. They makes us uncomfortable.
I am glad you liked the ending. Thanks and hope to see you here more :D
Old friends, new prejudices. I follow the RFW posts-- but haven't participated yet--Denise does a great job of running it!
ReplyDeleteDear Damayanti,
DeleteI absolutely love your name..! Thank you
for visiting this pages. Please do participate in RFE.
I am new here and already meeting such talented people:D
I do not doubt the talent of others, only mine :)
DeleteLOL, you have great sense of humor. We will sure hit off :D
DeleteSeriously, this was brilliantly written. It has such a amazing flow of thoughts and words. And about the topic, I think friendship changes over time and as you wrote, there is always some sort of jealousy. But thank god, I have some wonderful friends and we are still in touch.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, very nicely written:)
Dear Saru,
DeleteYou are lucky to have good friends. So do I. But, there are so many, I miss and wonder where and how they are.
Thanks for your presence :D
Yes, I know, there are some...
DeleteThanks Saru dear for coming back :D
DeletePretty cool.. engaging.. well written
ReplyDeleteDear Manju,
DeleteSorry about the comment moderation. You got confused and left more than one comment.
Believe me, love you for it. Thanks for the trouble :D
what a "paradigm shift" ! we often hate/misunderstand people for the wrong reasons, and when this paradigm shift happens, it leaves us with a "how could I" kind of feeling!! loved the way u brought in humour with the subtle message without being preachy!
ReplyDeleteDear Lil princess,
DeleteIn life we judge quick especially someone we do not know. I am so glad you liked my take. thanks and hope to see you again and again here :D
awesomely written -loved the ending with a twist :)
ReplyDeleteDear Vinisha,
DeleteThank you so much, I really appreciate your time :D
Hey Ghazala, love the story, beautifully written! Must tell, you have a unique style of writing. I heart it. :)
ReplyDeleteDear Priti,
DeleteLove you for this. Thanks and friends forever <3
i lovd d convo of the main charactr wid her hubby...lol...and yes also d crux of d story:)
ReplyDeleteDear Alka,
DeleteLOL, this husband is a meanie. Glad you had fun here. Thanks:D
You are right Ghazala, sometimes husbands don't know when to stop talking. :)
ReplyDeleteBut it is definitely true that first impressions are not always correct. I think life is a journey of growth and we all grow and change. Sometimes we discover that people who we thought were perfect for us are not really like that and sometimes it is the opposite. Great post!
Dear Swapna,
DeleteYou are so right about how people who seem perfect are not necessarily so. When we realise that what growth we reach.
Thanks for your very mature comment:D
aww.. :( that was a pretty good one... its true sometimes our paradigm shifts 180deg after learning about the path people have taken!
ReplyDeleteDo stop by my blog!! I'd love your visits & comments!
Dear Kappu,
DeleteWelcome to my space. Thank you for reading this. I value your feedback :D
You are welcome, City :D
ReplyDeletegood job with the fiction Ghazala, hatred is something no body wants to deal with, yet we all have some amount of it in us,dont we? However it does us no good!
ReplyDeleteDear Poonam,
DeleteAgree, it does no good to us. Thanks :)